Extra Dirty Read online

  “Mmm, no.” Cam propped his elbows on the tabletop. “Elementary school students can’t fail music unless they make zero effort or are disruptive. Some people aren’t wired to be musically inclined in any way, and it’s not fair to punish them because they’re literally unable to make music. So there’s not much in the way of remedial lessons. I’ve been thinking of offering music tutoring services, though.”

  “Makes sense. And you’ll be spinning a lot?”

  “That’s the plan.” Cam smiled. “The gig at Ember is steady, and I’d like to pick up another one maybe two nights a week. What’s been going on with you? Traveling a lot?”

  “I’m flying to London again tomorrow night to start finalizing the internet radio acquisition. I’ll be back and forth for the next several weeks.” Jesse swirled his drink. “Living out of a suitcase is a pain in the ass, but London’s nice, and I have friends there.”

  “Right. Friends of Astrid’s.” Cam’s features shifted into a smirk that made Jesse want to groan. He hadn’t seen that pinched, fake expression on Cam’s face in a long time.

  “Mina and Niall and a few others are friends of Astrid’s, yes. I reconnected with an old friend from New York, too. His name is Isaac. He moved to London earlier this year, and we’ve messaged back and forth for a while now. Finally made plans for dinner.”

  Cam cocked his head, his expression considering. “Isaac, huh? I don’t think you ever mentioned him.”

  Jesse blew a breath out through his nose. “We lost touch for a bit. Which sucked because I missed him.” He raised a brow at the doubt that crossed Cam’s face. “What? I’m capable of missing people I care about, Cam. Isaac and I went out together for almost a year, for Christ’s sake—it’d be crazy if I didn’t miss him.”

  Cam’s jaw dropped. “A year? You”—he pointed at Jesse—“were in a relationship with another person? For a year? But you don’t do relationships!”

  “Obviously, I don’t do them well,” Jesse muttered. “I saw other people, too, but yeah, we were together. Isaac was always good at getting me to try new things. That asshole.”

  “So, what happened?”

  I hurt him, Jesse thought grimly. I broke Isaac’s heart and he broke mine right back. He uttered a rough laugh and shoved his glasses higher onto his nose.

  “What you’d expect,” he told Cam. “I fucked up. Isaac called it off, and we didn’t talk for a while. So, yeah, I missed him.” That description didn’t even scratch the surface of what had gone down between Isaac and himself, but that was beside the point. And Jesse wasn’t in the mood for a therapy session.

  A piercing whistle split the air, halting Cam’s reply and every other conversation in the bar, too. Jesse wheeled around and almost dropped his drink when he saw the normally reserved Kyle at his usual station behind the bar but somehow standing head and shoulders over everyone else in the room.

  “What the fuck?” Jesse asked himself.

  Kyle spotted him and broke out in an enormous smile. He gestured at Jesse with his glass. “Jes! Come up here, man. I’m in the mood to say a few words!”

  “Oh, boy, I can’t wait!” Jesse called back. He crossed the room, his obvious surprise prompting a wave of laughter. He joined in after he realized Kyle was standing on a cooler he used to store liqueurs in progress. Quickly, he reached up and grabbed Kyle by the waist to keep him steady.

  “I started planning to open a bar even before I moved to New York,” Kyle told the crowd. “But I was broke, of course, and the more I worked, the less time I had to move the plan out of my head and off the ground. Before I knew it, I’d been here a couple of years and I wasn’t any closer to getting my bar. One night, Jes and I got together for pizza and beer, and he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.”

  Jesse groaned. “Dude, you’re drunk.”

  “Only a little!” Kyle ran his free hand over Jesse’s hair. “Doesn’t change the fact I love you, Big Money.”

  “And I love you back, babe,” Jesse replied without hesitation.

  Kyle turned to the crowd. “I told Jes about my idea for a bar, and he somehow convinced me to take him on as a partner. A year ago, we opened Under. He’ll be the first person to tell you that I do all the hard work, by the way.”

  “That’s because it’s true!” Eric hollered. Jesse rolled his eyes at his brother, and raucous laughter rang out, but Kyle held up a quelling hand.

  “I do a lot of the work out here, sure, where all of you can see me,” he said. “I have the freedom to do that because Jes is holed up out back, using his big brain to grow the business and make it better. Plus, he handles the press, the lawyers and the accountants, and I hate all that shit.”

  Jesse gasped theatrically. “You love the press!”

  “You know, that’s true, but I’m almost done, so hold your horses.” Kyle squeezed Jesse’s shoulder.

  “Under wouldn’t be the place it is without the two of us, Jes, but it wouldn’t exist at all if you hadn’t helped me turn my idea into something real. For that, and everyone here tonight, I am very, very grateful.”

  Kyle raised his glass to Jesse and the people gathered around them, his eyes aglow. “To paraphrase a toast my dad’s family has used for generations, ‘May this bar always be too small to hold all our friends.’”

  Jesse raised his glass, and their loved ones did the same, and his whole being filled with pride. He swallowed a mouthful of whiskey under the cacophony of good wishes that tumbled over them, and Kyle hopped off the cooler and pulled Jesse into a hug. For a moment, Jesse forgot about the words and thoughts and feelings that had dogged him for weeks. He shared a kiss with his friend instead and counted himself a lucky man indeed.

  * * * *

  An hour after Kyle’s toast, Jesse slipped back inside Under’s office. The party was in full swing but he struggled to ignore the keen, brown-eyed stare that seemed to follow him everywhere, and he needed a moment to regroup.

  Jesse moved to the small bar cart he and Kyle kept stocked and picked up a bottle of Glenmorangie single malt. He’d unscrewed the cap when the door snicked open again, and the buzz of house music and many conversations filled the room. Jesse hauled in a breath. He waited for the door to close again and shut out the party noises and pasted an easy expression on his face before he turned around. However, he didn’t bother hiding his surprise when he spotted Taryn by the door, a drink in one hand while the other rested on the doorknob.

  “Whoops.” Her eyes were wide. “I totally thought this was the restroom.”

  Jesse raised a brow. “The restrooms are totally in the hallway behind the bar,” he said, his tone light. “Go left past the coatroom, and you can’t miss the signs.”

  “Ah, thanks.”

  Taryn held his stare for a long moment before she glanced at the room around her. Jesse looked her up and down without shame. He hadn’t spoken with her outside of welcoming her to the bar, but he’d certainly noticed her loveliness. Now, as he watched her in the low light, a bland amusement filtered through him. He didn’t know what she wanted, but he thought it obvious she wasn’t in the office by accident.

  “Cam’s been talking up this bar since the spring. I can see why, too—it’s fantastic.” Taryn stepped away from the door. “Not that I don’t see PR online, too, of course. By the way, is it a requirement that everyone who drinks here be gorgeous?”

  “Thank you.” Jesse turned back to the task of making his drink. “A gorgeous face isn’t a requirement, but no one here’s going to complain about it, either.” He poured two fingers of Scotch into a rocks glass while Taryn moved around the room, and his skin prickled with awareness when she drew near. She stood close enough that he could smell the tantalizing mix of vanilla and amber in her perfume.

  Jesse looked up and found Taryn’s eyes on him. He nodded at the tulip in her hand. “I’d offer you a drink, but I see you’ve got that covered.”

  She grinned. “I’m okay, yeah. I’m not much of a Scotch drinker, anyway. Too m
uch smoke and wood for my palate.”

  “It’s an acquired taste for some,” Jesse agreed. “But that’s all right. Makes sharing a good bottle with someone you like even more pleasurable.”

  “I see.” Taryn inclined her head toward the leather sofa on the opposite side of the room. “You mind if I sit down? These heels are higher than I should have worn tonight.”

  Jesse waved her on. “Of course, make yourself comfortable.” He followed her across the room, his eyes on her ass while a prickle of irritation grew in his chest. This girl was very attractive, all sparkling eyes and creamy skin, not to mention that tight body. Sadly for Jesse, his head and heart weren’t on board with her seduction routine.

  Taryn set her drink on the side table as they sat and pulled the evening bag she carried over her shoulder onto her lap.

  “What are you doing in here, Jesse?” She bent forward and massaged one ankle with her fingers. “Shouldn’t you be out playing the good host?”

  Jesse hummed. “They won’t miss me for a bit. People come here for the drinks and the bartenders have that covered. Besides, you heard Kyle earlier—it’s not unusual for me to spend time in here during business hours.”

  “Even at your own anniversary party?” Taryn cocked a brow. “I find that hard to believe. Maybe you need a distraction to take your mind off whatever’s got you hiding out.”

  “I’m hardly hiding.”

  “Mmm, I think maybe you are.” Taryn straightened back up and opened her bag. She pulled out a cigarette case and opened it to expose several thick joints. “Care to smoke? I have some Molly if you’re not into weed.”

  “No, thank you, and please put that away.” He gave her a tight smile. “Under has a strict no-drugs policy.”

  “Oh?” She frowned down at the case. “Cam never mentioned that.”

  “He shouldn’t have had to.” Jesse set his glass on the table. “You seem like a smart girl—every nightclub and bar in this city has policies against illegal substances. Under is no different.”

  “Not even in the co-owner’s office?”

  A chill fell over Jesse at her knowing expression. “Especially in this office.”

  “Oh, fine,” Taryn grumbled. She dropped the case into her lap and brought one hand up to his shirt collar. “I still say you need a distraction.”

  “I’m good, thanks.” Jesse drew a deep breath in through his nose and tried not to tense at the touch of her fingers along his collarbone. He just wasn’t in the right state of mind for games tonight. Not to mention Taryn and Cam were friends, and something was off in the way things were going down.

  It felt wrong.

  “I need to get back out there,” he said and gently stayed Taryn’s hand with his own.

  “Oh, come on, sit with me for another minute.” She slid closer. “I can cheer you up if you’d let me, you know. Plus, I’ll owe Cam twenty-five bucks if I go out there admitting defeat.”

  Ice flooded Jesse’s body. “What did you say?”

  “Cam and I made a bet I could put a smile on your face before the end of the night. Well, I bet that I could, and Cam bet I couldn’t.” Taryn moved close enough to press her hip against his. “It was a friendly wager—no need to look so shocked.”

  The words “Cam and I made a bet” were still processing in Jesse’s brain when the door to the office swung open again and noise from the party spilled over them. He turned to see Cam step inside, and his thunderous expression didn’t do a thing to melt the cold in Jesse’s veins. The air practically buzzed with energy as Cam shut the door behind him.

  “What the fuck is this?”

  Jesse remained silent while Taryn pulled her wrist from his grasp and straightened against him.

  “Hey, Cam. Jesse and I were just talking.”

  Jesse tore his focus from Cam and focused on Taryn. Despite her smile, the warmth didn’t reach her eyes. She sobered at Cam’s harsh laugh.

  “Yeah, I can see that. Talking is how it starts, right, Jesse?” Jesse met Cam’s hard gaze. “A couple of drinks, some easy conversation, no pressure and no promises.” He shook his head. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised.”

  “Cam,” Taryn started, but Cam cut her off.

  “You know what, scratch that.” He glared at her. “I am surprised you’re here. Jesse was always going to pull the rug out from under me sooner or later. God knows he’s screwed half the people out in that bar, so the odds are he’d screw one of my friends, too. But I expected more from you, Taryn. You know better. I expected you to at least respect our friendship enough to not let this happen.”

  Something in Jesse’s chest cracked as Cam’s scrutiny returned to him again. It was all he could do to not wrap an arm around himself and soothe the hollow ache inside him. Anger and sadness mingled in Cam’s expression, but the raw hurt in his eyes made Jesse’s throat tighten. Cam might be mistaken about what he’d walked in on, but, in the end, it didn’t matter. He thought Jesse didn’t care about him at all, not as a friend or as a lover. Fuck, Cam didn’t even think he was a good person.

  Jesse did care about Cam, far more than he’d expected to. But maybe Cam had a point. Because a good person didn’t hurt his friends the way Jesse had hurt both Isaac and Cam.

  Jesse stood and pulled his phone from his pocket, dimly aware of Cam and Taryn arguing. He focused on keeping his breaths even while he tapped at the phone’s screen to call a Lyft. Next, he sent a message to Jim, Under’s head of security. He’d just tucked his phone away before the office door opened, and Cam and Taryn fell silent.

  “What can I do for you, Mr. Murtagh?”

  Jim’s Boston accent sounded unusually sharp. He almost never called Jesse by his full name, and, though his expression remained neutral, Jim’s light brown eyes held real concern when Jesse faced him. And for good reason. Jesse had never summoned security to the office before.

  “Jim, Miss Guillory needs a ride home. Please escort her upstairs and wait with her for the Lyft that should be here in six minutes. And please use the back exits—we need to avoid disrupting Kyle’s party as much as possible.”

  Taryn got to her feet. She exchanged a wide-eyed glance with Cam, who appeared even more stunned.

  “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t come back here, Taryn.” The color drained from her face, and she fumbled with her cigarette case and bag. He turned his back on her and Cam even as Cam said Jesse’s name.

  “You may not have noticed,” he continued, “but there’s a security camera over the door. We store that footage to ensure no one misinterprets the actions of Under’s staff when they’re in this room, particularly Kyle’s and my own.”

  “Jesse,” Cam said again, and this time the strain in his voice forced Jesse to face him. Cam’s face had paled, and he appeared completely shell-shocked.

  Shit. No surprise there. These days, Cam never looked happy around him.

  “You should go, Cam.” Jesse tried on a smile so he could show Cam he wasn’t angry at him, but the muscles in his face wouldn’t cooperate. “You can share the Lyft with Taryn, or I’ll call another if you have plans. Whatever you like.”

  Cam stared at him for a long moment before his whole body seemed to droop. “Okay.”

  Jesse fought off a wave of nausea at the turmoil in Cam’s face. Jesus, he was tired. He met Jim’s eye as Taryn slung her bag over her shoulder, and they exchanged a nod. Jim led Taryn and Cam out, but Jesse turned away before the door closed behind them.

  He felt heartsick. Whatever Cam and Taryn had been up to tonight, he blamed himself and not them. He spoiled everything eventually, like he had with Isaac and now Cam. It didn’t matter that Jesse still didn’t know how he’d fucked things up with Cam. Just that he had.

  Now he’d spoiled Under. It was just another place where he’d fucked up and caused people he cared about pain.

  He lifted a hand and rubbed his burning eyes beneath his glasses.

  Yeah. It had only been a matter of time before Jesse spoiled Under,
too.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Want a ride?” Taryn asked quietly. Cam shook his head. He didn’t know what to make of what he’d seen in Jesse’s office.

  “C’mon, talk to me,” she pleaded. She tugged at his sleeve while the bouncer, Jim, stood silent and watchful nearby.

  “Not right now, Taryn.” He shrugged her off and kept walking. At the moment, Cam couldn’t stand to look at her. Rather than hop on the 1 train at the One Hundred Sixteenth Street station, he walked for a while, moving downtown along Broadway. He needed to burn off the restless energy and hurt boiling up inside him. It was difficult enough to think of Jesse hooking up with someone else, but Taryn of all people? Worse, Cam had seen them together. The sight was more painful than any physical blow.

  Truthfully, he’d expected better of both of them. He’d expected Jesse to not rub any new hookups in Cam’s face at Under and assumed Taryn knew how much it would hurt him. He’d been wrong.

  The walk did nothing to soothe Cam. By the time he’d gone several miles and reached the far border of Central Park and Columbus Circle, he was still as hurt and angry as he’d been when he left Under.

  For almost a week after the debacle, Cam felt numb. He went through all the normal motions of his day-to-day life, but it was a blur. He packed up his classroom for the summer, did a gig at Ember, then didn’t get out of bed for a few days except to shuffle to the kitchen or bathroom. Myron gave Cam a wide berth, no doubt assuming he was sick, but the rest of them offered sympathy he couldn’t stand to hear after he told them he and Jesse weren’t seeing each other anymore.

  In between sleeping, he listened to music, grimly amused by the fact that he’d compiled the perfect breakup playlist in his head.

  Since then, Taryn had left him a handful of texts, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to talk to her.

  He’d had no messages from Jesse.

  That silence wasn’t surprising, but it still made Cam’s heart hurt. Despite his anger with Jesse, Cam missed him like hell.